We all know that the world would be a darn sight better without all these other people doing things wrong. This is aggravated the more people you have the misfortune to interact with, and thus as a worker in a large company, and a commuter, I receive much aggravation. So I thought I would compile a list of wrongness just to keep you right.
- Stand on the left on the escalator - The sign says stand on the right, but you know better. Besides, that 20 seconds of inane conversation with your mate is much more important than whether I make my connecting journey. And the sign that say ‘Fold pushchairs’ is just a guideline that doesn’t apply to you. And your enormous bag isn’t a person, so it doesn’t matter if it stands on the left.
- Don’t worry about train etiquette. Even if you travel on a train every day, you shouldn’t have to know better. And besides, your right to legroom is much greater than my right to legroom, even though you’re a flipping dwarf!
- Sit in my seat on the train. OK - this is probably borderline, but the fact is I sit in the same seat on the train every day. If you’re a regular you’ve probably noticed this. You know who you are.
- Leave the toilet cubicle in a state roughly akin to a tornado hitting the Andrex factory. They obviously don’t pay me enough so I am working on my toilet cleaning abilities to gain a second job. Seriously, there is a guy in my work who decides that he need to protect the velvety skin of his buttocks by layering the rim of the toilet with enough paper to print The Herald. On Sunday. Now, I don’t have a problem with using the paper, but I do have a problem when said individual leaves the paper there, and doesn’t dispose of it. Manky sod.
- Converse with me on the phone if you didn’t ring to do so. If I were a woman, then I expect that a little bit of conversation when I answer the phone is a nice thing. However, being blessed with the other set of bits, if you phone and you want to talk to my other half, then feel free to be blunt and ask for her. This does not upset my delicate sensibilities, and allows me to get back to my important work/watching the football/playing ET/eating my pudding. (OK - this is probably a bit harsh, and I do like a conversation on the phone as much as the next person; but I have caller ID, and I know you really don’t want to talk to me anyway……)
mrBen
Disclaimer - OK, this was a bit ranty. It’s not aimed at particular people (apart from the toilet one) (and the seat stealer) nor is it aimed to offend - I’m not SGM or Noelinho…..
